Broken routine
by Madi92
Summary: Nothing would ever be the same without her. She was his hope, and now she's gone...


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of Terra Nova…

**Summary:** Nothing would ever be the same without her. She was his hope, and now she's gone...

**A/N:** This was an idea which popped into my head and I had to write it. Something about it's about time to face the fact that Wash is dead (although I still have a hope xD). Well thanks to **I'mInsaneAndIKnowIt** who checked it up, I can publish! So if you like it, please leave something behind. Enjoy :P

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><p>This wasn't a first time he stepped through the threshold of her house. Of course he had done it hundred times before, when he was visiting her in the morning, just before the sunrise. She always welcomed him with the breakfast; sometimes it was scrambled eggs but most of the time a pancakes, his favourite. He always smiled to her as he sat down at the opposite side of the table. They ate their meal while going through the daily reports and talking about the Colony. She would always make a few funny comments about some trivial things and then stood up taking their empty plates to the kitchen. He would follow her, arguing about who should clean up. Of course it wasn't a serious quarrel but he loved to tease her, like how she always managed to keep all things under control, file the paperwork in the morning, make hundreds of calls and plan every OTG mission for a day, make him breakfast and still didn't have a time to shower and made her hair, which was an adorable mess on her head. She had been frowning every time he made that comment about her hair, but she didn't argued back, only smiled and left the plates to him for cleaning.<p>

"Thank you." She said, giving Taylor a peek on his cheek before she went to the bathroom, as he started to clean up after their breakfast, humming from happiness, because she had kissed him.

Later after she had showered and dressed up in a fresh uniform, they went to their morning patrol around the Terra Nova, watching the sunrise and people who were walking around the market place preparing for a new day. Taylor had been walking so close to her, that if you were a new one in the Colony you could say that they were on a date, not on military patrol. Well, he didn't hold her hand or something like that; they weren't behaving unprofessional, just invading each other's personal space like friends; lovers' maybe?

After they walked across the market place they turned into the soldiers' barracks direction, passing a few of the military men, who greeted them with salute, and they made their way to the gym, where Alicia was starting a routine day's training with the recruits. As they stopped she nodded to him with a small smile on her face.

"Try not to kill them, Wash!" he said.

"Yes, sir!" she answered looking at the Reynolds who was trying his best to keep the noisy and unruly group under control. "Although some discipline will be needed!"

"Don't push them to hard, Wash. They are still kids, after all." He said, smirking, as she made her way to the group.

He would always stay a little bit to see her in action; like how she made all of the recruits salute her and then ordered them to follow her running. He always smiled as she rolled her eyes as the whole group tried to keep up with her. He knew she knew he was watching her every time she does it; this became some sort of their ritual. As Wash and the group disappeared around the corner, he turned around and headed to the Command Center, where his paperwork was already waiting for him.

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><p>Around noon, an irritated Wash stepped into his office with Shannon behind her, ending his daydreaming about her. Taylor put his plex on the glass table with a dinosaur's skeleton as the stand and raised his eyes at the Lieutenant.<p>

"Can I shoot him, sir?" she asked in very serious tone.

"Afraid not, Wash. We can't lose the only Sherriff around here." He looked at a clearly amused Jim, smirking.

"Oh you think is funny, sir? He's been driving me crazy since he came through the portal!" she took a deep breath and then continued looking at Jim, who was trying not to laugh. "I mean really, don't you have something to do? You have him following me around and giving me a headache!"

When none of them answered she shook her head and muttering something about helping Dunham with the transport, she left his office. Taylor stood up and made his way to the cabinet and took a two glasses, which he filled with the whiskey.

"What did you do to her today?" he said giving Shannon a tumbler.

"Nothing, I swear." He raised his hand in the defensive gesture, and then he looked down, running his hand through his hair. "I might say something about her being an Ice Queen and needing a man, though."

Commander shocked his head taking a sip of his drink. Watching Shannon and Wash's adorable quarrels was one of his favourite parts of day. His two best friends were behaving like children in kindergarten with a crush on each other, fighting about who is better; just like an old married couple. Jim was always teasing Alicia about something and she was irritated for a whole day planning his punishment, as always Shannon would end up in the infirmary complaining to his wife about Wash, and as always she would tell him 'I told you so'. But they never stopped. Nathaniel knew that deep inside they enjoyed their arguments like he did and because of that their life wasn't boring; and if you thought it was, Wash and Shannon were just around the corner to show you how wrong you are.

Taylor didn't even realize when Shannon left his office; he turned around and saw Guzman, who was waiting for their meeting. The Commander drank the whiskey and put his glass on the table, before he went to another meeting with Guzman and then debriefing the last team who had returned from outside the gates. In that busy schedule he managed to save some time, just after the last meeting with Dr. Shannon and Malcolm, to go out to the balcony and look around his pride and joy before another meeting. He stood there with his hands on the railing, eyes closed, listening to the wind and thinking about Alicia.

It wasn't a lie; he did think about her a lot. She was a perfect soldier; trustful, loyal, ready to go into the fight without unnecessary comments, he couldn't think of anyone better to be his second-in-command than her. But she also was a beautiful woman, even if not available to him; he was happy that she was his friend, it was better than nothing, better then knowing she would never return his feelings. And he was attracted to her, like many more men in the Colony.

As soon as he sensed she was standing beside him, he came back to the reality; he could feel how her dangerously close to his her hands were. He opened his eyes and looked at her smiling face. The sun was shining in her long black hair which was always uptight in the ponytail, now was loosely hanging around her shoulders. She wasn't wearing uniform, just military issues boots and black trousers, a white T-shirt and her dog tags.

"It's a good day, a peaceful one." She said breaking the silence, taking her hands off the railing. "Come on Commander, we have several stack of paperwork and then we can go enjoy the rest day off."

She went inside to the office, leaving him behind. Taylor made last one look on the horizon and headed to the room. She was already sitting on the couch, scrolling through the reports on her plex, she raised her eyes meeting his, as he sat down next to her, taking his own plex into hands.

Commander put his plex on the table next to the couch. Straightening his back and placing his hand on his neck, he started working on his tensed muscles; they had been reading and discussing reports for a last four hours in the same sitting position. Alicia saw the Commander's look and smiled under her nose. He was in remarkable condition for someone in his age, but as everybody who had a 'sitting job' he had problems with his muscles, especially those on his neck.

"Let me help you, sir." She said placing her hands on his shoulders; he shivered on her touch as she started massaging his muscles; delicate but hard circles on his neck and shoulders. He closed his eyes, a little moan escaped his lips, the way her fingers were working on his skin; it was heaven.

"Wash, can I ask you something?"

"Sir?" she stopped massaging his back, so he could turn to face her and look into her big brown eyes.

"I was thinking about what Shannon told you today. I mean don't you regret being in the military? It's a lifelong commitment, and you're beautiful, smart, and young. You could have a loving husband, kids…"

"No, I don't regret anything, because I have life in Terra Nova and you; your trust, friendship." She slowly and with a hesitation put her hands on his chest and looking into his deep blue eyes she whispered. "You're the only one I want, Nathaniel."

"Alicia?"

"I love you, Nathaniel." He took her palms into his hand, kissing both of them. "For a long time…"

"Good." He smirked pressing her palms to his cheek. "Because I love you too, Wash."

Taylor grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap. She rolled her eyes surprised by his affection, and put her arms around his neck. His hand made his way to her hair, as he closed the gap between them with a teasing kiss and a second one; a possessive and deep kiss .And she returned the kiss fully and demandingly. When they pulled away from each other she only smiled to him, when he ran his hand down her cheek.

"You'll be death to me, Alicia."

"Oh shut up and kiss me again, Commander!" she said closing her eyes again.

"Yes, ma'am!" The few words escape his lips, before she started to claim them.

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><p>This wasn't the first time he stepped though her threshold, but this time was different, because he knew she wasn't there to greet him, she wasn't there at all. The Commander turned the light on and looked around the empty house. He came here because he couldn't sleep, every time he was closing his eyes he saw her; young, beautiful, so full of life, his Wash, his dear Alicia with a gun pointed between her eyes and then the moment as she felt on the ground. The memory which was hunting his every dream from the day he had saw his son killing his second-in-command, his friend, his lover. It was over a week ago, but he hadn't had courage to face the emptiness of her house, her things in the closet, he couldn't face the truth that she was dead; although they didn't found her body, he saw the gunshot, it wasn't possible she would live though the shot right into a head from that close distance. He still had a hope, that maybe, just maybe, she is alive.<p>

He walked farther into the kitchen, reviving every happy memory they made in that room; their breakfasts, their trivial arguing, lovemaking, everything. His eyes filled with tears, not for the first time in this week, and probably not for a last. He sat down on the couch where they always ended up curled after the dinner, talking about their lives, making plans for a future or simply commenting their day. He put his hand to the pocket and took a small box from it; Nathaniel opened the box and tears made their way down his cheeks. He was supposed to ask her to marry him after the pilgrimage, but how could he now, when she was dead. He didn't lose a 2IC and a friend; he lost a soul mate, a woman he loved more than anything and now his life didn't have any sense, he didn't have anyone who he could live for. Everything he had, had been taken him back in that moment when Lucas pulled the trigger. Right now he was left with a photo of her in his tags, a diamond ring in his hands, a broken heart and a collection of memories.

"No more morning patrols, quarrels with Shannon about nothing, no more waking up beside you, no more hearing you love me and telling you how lucky I'm to be with you. Nothing would ever be the same without you, Alicia. My live wouldn't be the same without you, but I won't be selfish, you go. Maybe someday we will meet again." He said to the empty room, not waiting for the answer.

The Commander buried his head between his hands, the tears started flowing, but he didn't care. He was strong and tough all his life, but this one time he had a right for a breakdown, he had a right to be mourning the love of his life; Lieutenant Alicia Washington.

**THE END**


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